So it begins

Welcome all. Well, none. Yet. This is the first entry in my new blog.

This blog serves as a recovery mechanism. Depression had taken over my life, and now I am determined to wrestle it back and regain control of it. I expect to have up days, and down days. Up weeks, and down weeks. Up hours, and down hours. At the moment, I feel as though my life has hit rock bottom and am hoping I can look back on this in the future and think "wow, my life has got so much better than it was in mid-March". I have already taken a few steps along my ladder towards the moon, I more-or-less started at the end of last year. That said, however, I have had a few rather substantial relapses/collapses/disasters in the first two and a half months of this year. Just over three weeks ago, I ended up in hospital after a suicide attempt. That's the last time I'll call it that, as I prefer to call it my "hospitalisation" or my "rock bottom". I didn't want to kill myself. I don't want to kill myself. But I very nearly did. I think it was the slap-in-the-face that I needed. And now I am moving forwards.

I'm not going to delve into my past. Well, not yet. For the moment, this is going to be a day-by-day journal of happiness and motivation. At least, that's the plan. I'm sure it might go a tad awry on my bad days...

I tend to be a compulsive list-maker. This might be beneficial in my recovery. So I might try to make some lists of things that have made me feel good. Why not have a go at that now?

Things that have made me feel good today:
Hearing Berlin Chair on the radio.
Wearing the t-shirt I bought in Boston: "Champions 2008 Celtics and 2007 Redsocks".
Eating a banana (simple, but made me happy. I haven't been eating much lately and have lost nearly 10kg)
Going for a 6km walk along the creek through our local gorge. Rather strenuous and tiring.
Eating a carrot
Taking my meds
Eating a muesli bar
Talking to my psychologist (weekly telephone appointment on Tuesday afternoons)
Starting this blog

So yeah, pretty simple things, but things that have made me smile. To at least some extent.

Things to look forward to:
Going to a comedy show tonight
Achieving my tomorrow's goals
Boys night tomorrow night
Catch up with my social worker on Thursday

and that'll do for the moment. Let's not get too carried away!

Tasks for tomorrow:
Continue, DAY TWO of this recovery.
Create a schedule for daily tasks.
Insert at least one task into each day for the next week.
Go to my Workskil appointment (yuck)
Go to boys night


Ok, I'm not setting my goals too high, that way they are definitely realisitic and achieveable.

Wish me luck!

xx